If you cannot follow through on your own decisions, then you are helplessly adrift on a sea of chaos.
We make hundreds, even thousands, of decisions every day, big and small. Do we follow through on those decisions though? We say ‘today I will quit smoking’ but cave in like the previous 153 times. We say ‘today I won’t just sit at home watching videos’ and waste the day anyway. We say ‘I really need to start sleeping properly’ then stay up till 3am again. We say ‘I’m going to be less selfish’ but end up leaving it ‘for tomorrow’. In this entry, I am trying to shake myself awake from such a slumber.
What is chaos? A total lack of structure and direction. And what creates structure and direction in our lives? Our minds, specifically our rational faculty, our ability to make a decision and then to execute it. Making a decision but not seeing it through till completion is as good as making no decision at all because the result is the same. Therefore, it is our ability to follow through on our decisions which establishes a healthy order in our lives as opposed to chaos.
Living in chaos is like being adrift on a stormy sea. The waves crash over you this way and the other, the gale swirls tempestuously, you want to travel out of the storm but have no means to, instead being dragged about by Poseidon’s fury. You cannot make any progress. You are so absorbed with simply not unceremoniously drowning in a watery vortex that you can make no progress. You keep your head just above water saying ‘I’ll get out of this storm today’ but eventually become so worn out and jaded at what your life has become that, somewhere, you give up trying to persevere.
The only way you have a chance to ride out that tempest is by rigging your sails, setting course, and beating unceasingly forwards. That sailboat and the act of sailing are the faculty of choice and reason which we are fortunate to have.
Anybody can set a course. Anybody can have an intention. Anybody can make a decision. What makes a crew and its captain heroic and intrepid is maintaining that course through a blinding spray, waves seemingly of concrete, and a distinct possibility of failure. Without that you will be helplessly adrift on a sea of chaos, unable to do anything, unable to control where you are going, always frustrated, always waiting for the next sunrise to start again, always ashamed, always where you are trying to escape from, never where you are aiming to be.
But sailing through a savage storm isn’t easy. What a ludicrous thought. It is tiring, uncomfortable, and, despite the high stakes, often boring.
So you have a choice: will you choose chaos or order? Stasis or progress? Vice or virtue? Death or Life?
Whatever choice you make, know that you will never, ever, defeat chaos unless you develop the ability to follow through on the decisions you make. By definition, chaos is that which lacks structure and direction, and it is a decision executed which provides your life with structure and direction. Everything good begins with that decision followed to completion, it is the basic building block of a proper life, no matter what the external circumstances.
So at least be honest if you are going to continue thrashing about, vacillating, deciding ‘yes’ and then switching to ‘no’ at the critical moment, living out of fear rather than out of determination. Say ‘I am choosing chaos’. Admit that you can’t both be free and recall your decisions at the slightest whim. Have the minimal courage to say ‘I am choosing the path of least resistance and I don’t honestly expect anything good to come of this’.
Yes it is difficult, but on the other hand, it is so simple, and what is even better, it is within your sphere of control. You can do it. You can make a decision and execute it. Whichever beliefs you have accepted which state that you cannot for some plausible-sounding reason are false – identify them and dispatch them post haste.
If you are not following through on your decisions, what are you following through on? Well, you are deciding one thing and then changing your mind when you encounter difficulty. This is what the Stoics meant when they described the emotions as ‘exceeding impulses’, that is they are impulses which run away from us and can override our previous decisions made in our best interests. We choose to do one thing, and then we choose to do another.
It can be very, very, challenging, to overcome this experience of ‘getting carried away’. Sometimes it seems as if we don’t have a choice in the matter. That is not true but it is understandable. Sometimes we choose chaos because the prospect of facing down our obstacles makes us want to crawl into bed, punch the wall, or scream.
You do have a choice. Sometimes your emotions will exceed your best intentions. Fine. You can still outsmart your chaotic circumstances by training yourself. You can reflect upon your situation, set a course, and build up your inner strength day by day. Whatever you choose to do, know that you are either training to persevere or training to collapse – there are no other options.
It all comes down to this present moment, in the here and now. Right. This. Very. Second. What will you do? Will you choose chaos or order? Will you muster the courage to live the life you want, the one you could create? Or deploy a convincing and reassuring excuse? That is your decision.
Comments are free. Are you adrift on a sea of chaos? Have you intrepidly sailed into more orderly climes and have learned some lessons you want to share?
This is the fourteenth entry in ‘A Stoic Journal’. I will publish one entry per week on this site. For context on this series, read ‘A Stoic Journal – An Introduction’.
The Will to Freedom 